Leadership

The Good, The Bad, and the Downright Frustrating

Leadership comes in all shapes and sizes. Some leaders inspire you to be better, challenge you to grow, and give you space to thrive. Others... well, they inspire you to perfect your LinkedIn profile and look for new job opportunities. After working with a wide variety of leaders over the years, I’ve experienced the good, the bad, and the downright frustrating—and I’ve learned a lot about what makes a leader great (and what absolutely doesn’t).

In this article, I’ll share some of those experiences, both the positive and the “why am I still here?” moments, along with insights into my own leadership journey. I’ve led teams both large and small, and even had the challenge of motivating independent sellers in the world of MLM—an entirely different ball game. Through it all, I’ve learned that good leadership is about more than just knowing how to manage people—it’s about inspiring them, trusting them, and empowering them to achieve more than they ever thought possible.

The Gold Standard: What Makes a Great Leader?

I’ve been lucky enough to work with some truly exceptional leaders in my career. These are the people who took the time to listen, who were open to suggestions, and who never acted like they were above the team. They were brilliant without being self-important, and they didn’t shy away from showing vulnerability when necessary. These were the kinds of leaders who made sure the talents in their teams were nurtured and challenged, not in a way that created stress but in a way that pushed us to grow.

One of the most admirable qualities I’ve seen in great leaders is their ability to make everyone feel valued. They see potential in people—even when we can’t see it ourselves—and they create an environment where that potential can flourish. These are the leaders that make you think, “I want to be like them when I grow up,” even if you're already a grown adult with a career of your own.

When Leadership Goes Wrong: The Bad and the Ugly

But not all leadership experiences have been quite so inspiring. I’ve also encountered leaders who were... let’s say, less than stellar. Without naming names (because, let’s face it, some of these people might still be lurking on my LinkedIn), I’ve seen leaders who dismissed their teams' ideas, took credit for work that wasn’t theirs, and failed to recognize the contributions of those around them.

In one role, I had a manager who routinely picked my brain for strategies, only to publicly dismiss my contributions and later present my ideas as his own. I suppose that’s one way to “collaborate”—if by “collaborate,” you mean "steal someone’s work and pretend it’s yours." Another memorable instance of this type of behavior came when I had spent six months preparing a detailed analysis for a major presentation. This presentation was a big deal—potentially worth millions for the company—and I was promised that I’d get to share my hard work. A week before the big day, I was informed that my male supervisor would be presenting instead. My job, apparently, was to coach him through my work.

He bombed the presentation. And to add insult to injury, I was accused of sabotaging the team. At that point, after two years of doing his job for him, I decided it was time to move on. Lesson learned: leadership isn’t just about taking charge and reaping the benefits—it’s about taking responsibility.

Toxic Leadership: When It’s Time to Walk Away

And then there are the leaders who take it one step further—those who create toxic environments where it’s not just difficult to thrive, but difficult to survive. I once worked for a manager who went out of her way to make me feel unwelcome, both within the team and beyond. Whether it was insecurity or simply poor leadership, she seemed intent on pushing me out. Eventually, she succeeded, making me feel so insecure and stressed that I lost all confidence in my work. In the end, I was conveniently fired under the guise of a “reorganization.”

Looking back, I realize that if I had recognized early on that this situation was beyond my control, I could have saved myself a lot of energy and stress. I was set up to fail from the start, and I should have walked away sooner. That's often the clearest sign of bad leadership—when the environment becomes so toxic that team members either quit or quietly disengage, doing the bare minimum just to stay under the radar. But at what cost? The mental toll and the damage to confidence aren’t worth it.

These experiences aren’t just frustrating—they’re exhausting. But they’ve also taught me a critical lesson: leadership is about building people up, not tearing them down. A strong leader is secure enough in themselves to recognize the strengths in others without feeling threatened. If I’ve learned anything, it’s that when you sense you’re in a no-win situation, it’s better to leave than to let the environment chip away at your confidence and well-being.

My Own Leadership Journey: From Teams to Armies of Volunteers

Through it all, my own leadership journey has been shaped by both the good and the bad examples I’ve encountered. I’ve led small and large teams of employees, but perhaps the most challenging leadership experience I’ve had was motivating large numbers of independent sellers in the world of MLM. These individuals weren’t employees—they were volunteers, motivated by personal goals and dreams. My job wasn’t just to manage—it was to inspire, to keep the momentum going, and to lead by example.

One of the most rewarding aspects of this experience has been witnessing those “coming to Jesus” moments when someone finally realizes their potential. It’s incredibly touching to see someone I’ve mentored rise to the occasion and surpass their own expectations. I’ve always despised micromanagement and have found that the best way to lead is to trust my team. My role, as I see it, is to serve them—by helping them grow, develop a strong work ethic, and feel empowered to succeed on their own terms.

And when someone from my team goes on to achieve even greater success than I have? That’s the best part. There’s no greater reward for a leader than seeing someone you’ve mentored surpass you, because it means you’ve done your job well.

Gender and Leadership: Breaking Through the Barriers

Of course, it’s impossible to talk about leadership without acknowledging the gender dynamics that still persist. It’s often harder for women to reach leadership roles, even today. From a young age, we’re taught to be quiet, patient, nurturing—to take care of others before ourselves. And while those traits can be valuable, they’re not always the ones that get you a seat at the leadership table.

To succeed as a leader, women often have to add grit, assertiveness, and a bit of a “f*ck you” attitude to the mix. It’s not easy, and the journey can be long and frustrating, especially when you’re constantly being undermined, belittled, or told to be “more likeable.” But if you can hold on to who you are and stay true to your values, you don’t just become a good leader—you become a great one. In doing so, you pave the way for the next generation of women (and men) to follow in your footsteps.

That said, gender is only one part of the story. Diversity and inclusion (D&I) still have a long way to go in many organizations. It’s crucial that people aren’t excluded from promotions or leadership roles based not only on their gender but also on any aspect of who they are—whether it’s race, sexual orientation, disability, or any other seen or unseen personal characteristics. In many cases, others face even greater barriers than women in accessing leadership roles.

The truth is, many of these D&I groups have fabulous things to bring to the table—unique perspectives, innovative ideas, and lived experiences that could transform the way we lead and work together. By ensuring we create room for everyone, we not only make workplaces more inclusive but also more dynamic and forward-thinking. It’s not just about getting more women into leadership—it’s about making sure leadership reflects the diversity of the world we live in, so that the best ideas and the most capable people are given the opportunities they deserve.

I’ve faced my share of obstacles, from having my ideas stolen to navigating toxic environments, but I’ve never let it break me. The journey may take longer for some of us, but when we get there, we can make an impact that resonates far beyond the role itself. And by pushing for more inclusive leadership structures, we can help ensure that the next generation doesn’t face the same barriers we did.

Becoming the Leader You Needed

In the end, leadership isn’t about titles, power, or even how many people you manage. It’s about trust, empowerment, and creating an environment where your team can thrive. The best leaders aren’t the ones who take all the credit or control every detail—they’re the ones who serve their teams, help others grow, and celebrate when their people achieve even greater success than they ever imagined.

If I’ve learned anything from my experiences, it’s that the best leaders don’t just lead—they inspire. And that’s the kind of leader I strive to be every day.